What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
