My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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