i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
