A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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