he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
