Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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