He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize