Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
