So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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