Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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