just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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