i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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