I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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