I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
