dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
