I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
