Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize