hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
