o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
