i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she looked like the before picture.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
