somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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