another moral hangover. fuck.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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