I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We don't watch enough power rangers
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
