Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
