Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
