she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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