I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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