They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
