you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
