Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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