I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
