i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
