She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
