Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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