You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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