I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
