If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
