I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize