this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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