I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
