I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
