I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
