My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
