the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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