Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
