I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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