ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
