You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
