the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
