You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
