i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize