my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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