i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
