do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
