I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize