Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
