She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
