Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
