Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
