imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
