I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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