I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
