Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
