the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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