dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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