I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
